When living LESS becomes too MUCH

Living LESS becomes too MUCH

The journey to minimalism is endless, especially when you are still deciphering the reason why you did it in the first place. As years went by I still don't consider myself as a Minimalist. I do not own a lot of things, refocused time and energy that amplified my daily life, yet I am still discontented.

This living less or minimal got me obsessed that I started to feel guilty of my possessions. It became stressful rather than peaceful. I mentioned before, I wouldn't attempt to count my belongings but Lo! And, behold, before bed time I listed down the things I want to throw away. I started to count and question the purpose of my watches, pants, and furniture. The last item I gave away was my desk lamp, at that moment my goal was to get it out of my sight.

I have to get rid of it for two reasons:

- No place to put or store. Where should I put it?

- Question its existence in my space. Why do I have it?

I get agitated if there are no answers for these questions. The only way to relieve me from stress is to immediately remove it from my space. Recently, a family member gave me a lovely glass jar as a gift instead of being happy and grateful I got anxious.

One day I was looking for my dinosaur old laptop's battery cable my nephew said, "Did you throw it away? You have this habit of throwing things. Just sayin'" those words struck me. He was right. I recalled discarding a paper bag full of cables, wires, sockets, etc. thought I won't need it. That was my aha moment.

This fixation of tidying or living less is causing anxiety. The compulsion of letting go of things became alarming, after I researched online it lead me to OCD - Spartanism. It generally is the opposite of hoarding. Although decluttering is good, it allows us to reflect on our priorities but when it starts to be unhealthy with our personal relationships or feeling guilty of owning stuff and gets a certain rush in discarding it can be a serious problem.

There are extreme cases wherein some people do not own anything and even important things are being thrown away, but after a month they find themselves buying again. Living less is okay as long as you know your limits and enjoy with what you have.

My mistake of throwing the laptop cable made me realize from what I thought was a harmless regular purging was actually hurting me - mentally and financially. Now that I do not own a closet, I am more vulnerable. It heightens my tendency to remove as much things as I can. Being aware of this type of compulsion made me rethink twice or thrice before discarding. To lessen the urge I kept all the items I do not want (for now) in a box and check a month after deciding which ones I would like to keep or need.

This type of compulsion can cause serious problems, especially when you live with someone or family - there are boundaries that need respect. In case you feel you're stepping in the border of extreme speak with someone, let them know why you have the compulsion. Keep in mind, these behaviour aren't just superficial there's a deeper reason. It is better to be educated than to ignore the symptoms.

In this journey I learned that even living less can become too much or overwhelming. Maybe I am a Minimalist? Perfectionist? Germ free crazy all together freak? Whatever it is, there shouldn't be any label instead be mindful with your surroundings, behaviour and relationships. Create your environment that speaks volume and authentic, be happy. Minimalism is about enjoying what you have and focusing on what matters the most - time and people.